For the Newly Divorced Woman

From a divorced woman who began this unwanted journey 8-and-a-half years ago* To the young woman new on the journey through divorce, I keep thinking about when I was first divorced and no one understood because there weren’t many girls in their early twenties...

I Can’t Remember My Wedding

Note: This piece was written without scaling back the intensity of my life with PTSD. I wrote it as a time capsule of Now, because all too soon I won’t remember much of Now. Anyone is welcome to read, but if only other survivors find anything comprehensible,...

When Life Won’t Fulfill Our Dreams

How often do we show our cards while still bleeding? Before we know how this hand plays out? We may admire those who do, but we hope we won’t have to. I write about living naked: exposing every part of myself. Right now life is not pretty, ya’ll. This writing isn’t...

When Illness Shows How Unholy I Am

I am not as holy as I hoped. When my reserves are depleted and every person who needs me grates against my suffering like fingernails on a chalkboard, I fail. I’m entering my fourth month since developing vestibular neurontis.* By the second month the physical...

Showing Scars #2: My Everyday is Never “Normal”

Scar #2: My everyday is never “normal.” It’s recovering from or responding to the latest crisis or setback. Take this last week. I go to physical therapy (for vertigo/balance issues), pleased to be feeling better. I walk on the treadmill, look to the left, and throw...

Showing Scars #1: I’m Afraid of the Dark

Everyone is messed up; some people’s scars are just easier to hide. In the interest of living naked, I decided to show some of mine. When I compare notes with other survivors, knowing I’m not the only one facing this or that helps me keep going. Let’s start...

When I Wanted Suicide But Didn’t Kill Myself

A culture that has lost its faith in life cannot comprehend why it should be endured.—Andrew Coyne Physician-assisted suicide, also known as death with dignity, is familiar to most of us since Brittany Maynard’s choice to die before brain cancer killed her. I don’t...

Why I’m Against Calling Anyone “Broken”

I’m on a mission: to battle against the use of the confusing, misused, harmful Christianese term broken. Part of the danger with the word broken is that everyone who uses it may mean something slightly different. Broken is not like the word apple. It’s an ambiguous,...

Life as a Survivor

Stumbling through the day. Depression’s darkness bleeding into daylight. And they say, “Try harder.” So I do. A monster project for work, the weariness bone deep. I tell myself, “Push through. Just keep going.” My genuine smile is miles away, but it’s time for church....

8 Facts of Life with Amneseia

I have amnesia. Some events from my past were already irretrievable due to trauma, but the intense, apparently permanent amnesia hit last year.* The previous decade of memories became spotty at best; the months surrounding me were a black hole of confusion. Initially...